My Thoughts so far of the time spent here.

Sept 3-5

I dreamt of a place where you can  go and feel a sense of togetherness, a place where you sense a power innately in you that cracles in the air. I dreamt of a place where the trees begin to lean towards your presence, and the grass falls at your feet. This is the place where your true power is fostered and grows as wild as ivy. I believe that here, is the now that legends once spoke of, and we are the embodiement of a higher will, taking form. The way of our people is beginning to take breath and we shall inherit the place in the circle we have lost. This place is sacred.

The Annual International Two-Spirit Gathering is the place I have dreamt of for the better part of my self awared timed in this world. Our people have come, bringing with them a checkered history and determination to heal. the wounds of our past are scabbing and it is our job as the medicine carries to do what needs to be done and take on the charge of our family. My role is leader, healer, caregiver, mother, lover,father, warrior and Maker. I wish to take that responsibility and move the path of our people out of this circle we have found ourselves in and enter a new one. one of healthiness, spirituality amd love for our spirits (earth, stone and sky). But I haven’t taken this duty on alone, everyone here with me is knowingly or unknowingly taking that upon themselves just by being here and experirencing the power we bring. I can’t wait to know what other teaching I will learn here. But I will accept them with loving open arms.

- Ko’en Beaulieux XOXO

1. Your name, age, where are you from?
Alaya McIvor, 27, I am from Northern Manitoba, but currently living in Winnipeg, MB .

2. Why did you come to the gathering?

To present on stigma and labeling and also to connect with my two spirit counterparts. Also to network with other organizations agencies, etc.

3. Is this your first gathering?

Yes it is.

4. If this was your first time, what were you expecting?

I didn’t expect anything from it, I just came to see, actually, what it is all about. I had never been to a Two Spirit gathering; I never knew anything about Two Spirit gatherings. I really enjoyed it, with the no talent show, getting people into dresses and getting people to experience a side they never experienced before.

5. if not, what were you hoping for this year’s gathering?

6. What was your favorite activity so far?

Getting involved with the youth here, with the no talent show. Seeing how they opened and blossomed as they put on their high heels, make up and dresses and did their first performances and also getting them to express their identity as two spirit individuals.

7. What has had the biggest impact on you?

There would have been more of an impact if there were more youth involved in the Two Spirit movement. Also for the movement to be more opened to society in general as opposed to leaving out people that really want to come here.

8. Anything else you want to share?

I encourage more youth to get involved or even come to the gathering because again we are the ones that will be holding these in the future by educating our youth, their youth, and everyone’s youth on Two Spirit and as a community coming together. Also changing the curriculum of it [the gathering] into a better understanding and an open concept to all people that identify as Two Spirit.

I can’t believe how much has happened since yesterday! I woke up late this morning (oops!) but it turned out that the workshop for the youth didn’t start until a lot later- it was supposed to start at 8am, but not enough people came out that early. But, eventually the workshop started and it was AMAZING! The youth really got a chance to show their skills during the workshop. During the discussion it was also really intense, but the conversations were ones that really needed to be had during this weekend. After the discussion a few people drummed some really amazing songs and you could just feel the air clear in the area.

Afterwards there was a drum making session for women and there were also some sweat lodges that happened. I decided to just hangout for this afternoon and chill, which was really nice. The whole property is so beautiful, being right near a river. Then this evening there was an amazing ‘no talent show’ which there were so many awesome performances. Its so great to be here, I feel like all I do is laugh and joke around! And there is still a day and a half left!!

-Dana

-Jasmine

We also did a really cute talk show style piece with Jessica as the host and ko’en, Joey, and I as participants. It was an opportunity for us to talk about sexuality and Two Spirit youth in an engaging and candid way. A few  of the questions included If you could teach sex ed to any celebrity, who would it be and why (btw it’s Rihanna because hopefully she would see my breadth of knowledge in all things sexual health and rip off her clothes and ask for a demonstration.) Finish the sentence: Two Spirit youth are awesome because… and the like. After our talk show piece we had decided that it was important to us to broach the subject of the drug and alcohol free policy of the gathering. We just wanted to make sure that we’re having these conversations. So we decided to do a skit. We had two youth wanting to use at the gathering for two very different reasons, one in celebration of the event and the other because of discrimination for attending the event from home. We had Dana play the role of a sort of joker asking audience members suggest what we could do in this situation. Needless to say it didn’t quite go the way we had hoped. We were met with a lot of resistance, as often happens when harm reduction is brought up in communities. I’m happy to say that we the youth stuck by our ideas and opinions and were the ones asserting that it’s Indigenous to talk and share ideas. That we weren’t saying we were right or that we were even asking for change. We just wanted to share that people we knew weren’t able to make it because of their substance use. I think it’s a very colonial way of being to not leave room for discussion. I’m curious to see how other people feel about the issue. I have ideas on both sides and I know my ideas aren’t “right”. So see the comment feature below? Use it! Let us know what your ideas are.

-Jasmine

-Jasmine

I flew into Manitoba yesterday from Toronto, ON and now I’m completely exhausted! I had taken a bus in from Kingston, ON that left at 6am and got into Toronto around 10am. I hung out in the airport in Toronto for a while, drinking lots of coffee. I was really super nervous about coming to the gathering, I really didn’t know what to expect. Though, I thought maybe that there was going to be a lot of really formal people and I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

I arrived in the airport and met up with two other really cool people and we had coffee waiting for Gayle to come pick us up and bring up to the centre (which is about 1hr out of Winnipeg). In talking with them, I discovered that I was cousins with one of them!!!! I had never met them before, but we realized that we had the same uncle! It was truly amazing. I always knew I had a big family, with lots of relatives, but I never knew I had relatives living so far south in the US (although, we are all related in some way, all my relations!). So right from that moment, I started to feel like it was meant to be that I came to the gathering. The Creator must have guided me here for a reason.

So, when we arrived, we hung out a little in the main lodge of the centre because it was raining and met some new folks. Everyone is so incredibly nice and totally hilarious, that I just stopped being nervous! Afterwards, totally exhausted, we hit the sack.

This morning, I was so tired that I slept right through the sunrise ceremony at 6:30am, but I am really excited to go to the one tomorrow morning. I did make it to breakfast though, which was delicious. Many thanks to everyone who makes the food and is organizing this gathering.
After that, we all got together and made some friendship bracelets as people prepared for the Teepee Workshop which was followed by the opening ceremony where we all introduced ourselves. During the day, myself and a few other people went out to pick medicine for the floor of the sweat lodges. My hands still smell like cedar!

Right now we are waiting for the line for supper to get a little shorter before we eat. It smells so good! That’s all for now, so excited for tomorrow! We will keep you updated on all the activities.

- Dana

Once again this year, our fabulous partners at the Native Youth Sexual Health Network will be live blogging from the event right here on our blog.

So to folks who are sharing in the wonderful- what’s the gathering been like for you?

Here is his email (by the way, I later discovered that my “grandmother” had nothing to do with this email and wasn’t aware of it until after it was sent and the damage was done):

Hi K,

Although from our conversations I suspected what you revealed to your grandmother but we were shocked when you made this revelation, it hit us right in the heart and really hurt us . When she told me after you left that you are having an affair with another woman we had a good cry and both of us have not had a relaxing sleep since your visit.  That is why we are sending this E mail so you know how we both feel.

Remember this is our opinion and we know that you have your reasons and your own opinion which we will respect whatever it may be and if you desire to call us or reply to this E mail we will definitely read it and take it to heart.

I know I told you about looking out for what men might want I forgot to tell you that there are unscrupulous women out there too that are willing and ready to take advantage of anyone they can.  I was so proud of you hanging in there and attempting to finish university but if I would of known that it would lead you to this I would have rather seen you go without a degree. You certainly didn’t get these tendencies from within your own family as we have never been faced with this situation before. As you can appreciate my pride has somewhat diminished in respect to my oldest granddaughter.

Your grandmother also said that you wanted to have children if so I hope you smarten up and get with a suitable partner that can accommodate you in that respect. What your doing is not natural and GOD never meant for two queer women or two queer men to live together and have children otherwise he would have given them the ability to process sperm or eggs intermittently but God chose to separate each biologically to provide a normal relationship to procreate naturally . Although Society in their infinite wisdom has made it possible to allow same sex marriages and adoptions to be allowed it does not mean it is a good thing and it is not a natural situation or a good home life to rear a child. Which one will you play the father role or the mother role?  If you do decide to obtain children while in this relationship I’m afraid we will be somewhat apprehensive to say that they are our great grandchildren.

I think you should sit down and take a serious look at what you are doing and possibly reconsider your anticipated actions before you throw your life away. I know you will come up with what you consider to be the right decision and be prepared to live with the consequences of that decision.

I’m sorry you didn’t provide me the courtesy of telling me to my face or was it because you know it is wrong and you knew that a situation like this would be vehemently opposed by me.

After reading this E mail we are sure you know what our feelings are towards this relationship.

Good luck in the future whatever you decide we still love you very much but we cannot and will not accept your lifestyle in this regard. You can also rest assured that we will not be revealing this situation to anyone we know, however I think that you should have the courtesy to inform your direct family members so that they are also aware.  Although sad we are to say that we are both glad that you are a M______ (my hated surname) and not a W_______ (their surname) with this situation such as it is.

You & you alone while in this type of relationship are always welcome to our home but we would not feel comfortable having your partner or any siblings here. You know that you can still call us anytime that you wish to talk about anything you wish too.

With Much Love

Grandfather & Grandmother

Here is my response:

Dear Grampy,

Words cannot say how hurt I am by your reaction. I am hurt by the fact that you wrote it from both Nana and yourself, because I do not believe Nana would say half of the hurtful and insulting things that you said to me. Also, you signed it in a manner that is pointedly formal, which is unlike you. For 22 years you have been my Nana and Grampy, not my grandfather and grandmother. The fact that my “grandmother” was included in the signature seems unreal to me. Nana told me she loves me unconditionally, and I believe her. Do not claim to love me unconditionally, because this is not only a condition, but it is a huge part of who I am. If you do not love this about me, or accept my choice of life partner, then you cannot claim to love me at all.

By calling the person I love “unscrupulous,” you undermined her as a person, my love for her and my dignity. Forgive me if this sounds unapologetic, but if you were hurt by the ‘revelation’ of who I am, then the pain that you have caused me is incomparable.

There are a lot of things you do not know about me. I am not as naïve as you think I am. I respect the fact that you are older and wiser and have more worldly experience than me at this point, but there are a lot of things you choose not to see that I know worlds about. As much as I respect you, I cannot condone or respect your attitude. Your attitude, words and actions are incredibly ignorant, prejudiced and not at all based in fact. I am writing to give you the facts. I want you to be informed before making comments and decisions like that. I understand that you are from a generation that does not condone this, but have you ever questioned why there is so much hatred in an issue of love? Have you ever tried to understand what it is like for someone like me? You do not know the extent of what I have been through, and you cannot compare your experiences to mine.

You and Nana mean so much to me. My love for you is indescribable and unique to you two alone. I have always looked up to you, I have always doted on you and I have viewed and cherished you, Grampy, as a father figure in light of my own father’s absence.

I told Nana I took so long to tell you because I was afraid you would see me differently. Well, apparently I was right. However, I do not regret telling you because the way you did see me was not the true me. I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. I am not racist, I am not ignorant and I am not homophobic. If that makes me a bad person in your eyes, then I accept that wholeheartedly.

It is a fallacy to state that gay marriage is not valid because it does not produce children through heterosexual intercourse. Does this mean that infertile couples and elderly couples should not be allowed to marry, as well? Aren’t the orphanages full enough? Do you think we really need to overpopulate the world any more? Also, to say it is unnatural is absurd in a world that accepts a whole host of other things that are not “natural.” You drive a car, don’t you? You have air conditioning? What about eyeglasses, hearing aids? Should we get rid of all of those things because they are not “natural”, as well?

On a similar note, contrary to popular belief, having children in a gay marriage will not make them gay. Do all straight parents have straight children? No. Some may try their hardest to make them lie to themselves, successfully keeping them miserable their entire lives. However, it is clear to see that it doesn’t always succeed.

I spent nearly my entire life so far unhappy with who I am. I was so unsatisfied, self-conscious and self-loathing. It was not until I was honest with myself – when I said no, I am not romantically or physically attracted to men – that I finally began the long journey to loving myself. Now I have met someone I love beyond all else, and you do not want anything to do with her because in your eyes, it is wrong. Love is love. A person is a person. It is what is inside that counts, not what is between their legs. Nor do society’s assigned (misogynistic) and rigidly defined gender roles matter. That is all superficial. What you do not understand is that I am not “throwing my life away,” nor should I look for something more “suitable.” This is me creating a beautiful life for myself that will make me happy. Would you rather see me miserable? Would you rather not have me here at all? There is nothing better suited for me than this. This is who I am. I have enough pride in myself not to need your damaged pride in me.

Are you a fan of Oscar Wilde? Elton John? Virginia Woolf? These are all gay artists and authors, and they gained the respect and recognition they deserve. In the 1920’s Virginia Woolf was in love and involved with a woman for 19 years. Her husband was aware of it. The woman was the famous poet; Vita Sackville-West. They both stayed in the conventional marriages they were forced into as a cover up. The only reason the genuine, unrequited love ended was because Virginia committed suicide partially because the world would not let her be with the person she was so purely in love with. If you would like proof, I have an entire 19 years worth of recorded love letters between the two of them.

Never before have I had to validate my love for another so vehemently. I adamantly REFUSE to leave the best thing that has ever happened to me in order to meet some antiquated requirement of yours that having a loving family with this person is not correct. I fail to see how it is incorrect. In fact, I have never felt anything more right in my entire life.

You were correct in assuming that I chose not to speak to you in person about this matter because I knew I would not be able to handle your response. It is not that I “know it is wrong,” because, on the contrary, I know just how right it is. I chose not to tell you so you could have some time to open your eyes and open your mind before we spoke about it in person. I intended on giving you until after your vacation, but your email changed that. I have been crying all day in response to the email I received from you this morning. It is completely disillusioning to hear such hateful, ignorant things come from someone I once blindly respected so enormously.

M (my partner) is a wonderful, kind, loving, caring, humorous, fair, just and overall fantastic person. I cannot even give her justice in words. You have to meet her to see the beauty in her. I love you, but I love her. She is a part of my life and that is not going to change. She knows how much you mean to me, and wants to be a part of your lives, as well. However, you have made it quite clear that you will not allow that.

I have with pride identified myself as a W_______ first and foremost for my entire life. Now that I know the way you feel about your relation to me, I am left with no identity. You do not know how ashamed I have always been that my surname is M_______. Every time I have had to write it, say it, put it on documents, it has been with shame. I have even gone to the extent of trying to legally change my name to W_______or L________(my stepdad’s name). There is not one thing in this world you could have said to insult me more than saying you are glad I am not a W_______. Well I AM a W_______, and I have- until now- taken the utmost pride in that.

You will need to take time, and I urge you to please read this over carefully, repeatedly and let time heal your hatred before you contact me further. I do not want to lose you over this, but if that is what you decide, I refuse to be unhappy because of your disapproval in the person I love.

With love,

K

(Your Granddaughter – for better or worse)