The question as to whether being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a choice is one that comes up over and over. Often there is an unspoken assumption that if there were any choice involved, then people would – or should – choose not to be queer. This attitude makes an exploration of the role of choice difficult.
We know that many gay and lesbian people have experienced absolutely no choice in their sexual orientation. From the time they were small children, and long before they had any words to talk about sexuality they had feelings of attraction for people of their own sex.

Here is how one youth related their experience:
“I was always a little bit different, even when I was very young. Now I’m sixteen and the feelings are still there. I think you don’t choose to have these feelings, but you can choose to come out and affirm yourself being gay. That’s where the choice part comes in for me. That’s why I think there really shouldn’t be discrimination, because all you’re choosing is to affirm the fact that you’re gay; it’s not the fact that you’ve chosen to have those feelings.”

Choice may enter the picture, though, with bisexuality. Since bisexual people have the capacity to be attracted to someone of either gender, if they form a relationship with someone of their own sex, they are, in a sense, choosing. But they are not choosing to feel the attraction. They are simply choosing to follow their genuine feelings.