Being lesbian or gay means that a person’s primary romantic, emotional, physical and sexual attractions and connections are with someone of the same sex. Bisexual people recognize that they have attractions to both sexes. “Lesbian” “gay” and “bisexual” are labels that identify who we have the potential to fall in love with.

Many young people question – or know – their sexual identity before they have any sexual experiences at all. Others may have had sexual experiences with the opposite sex but still feel that they are queer. Or they may have had sexual experiences with the same sex but still feel they are heterosexual.

There is an important difference between attraction and experience. You may have same-sex experiences for any number of reasons besides a genuine attraction – because you are curious, because it’s convenient, or because you feel pressured. On the other hand, you might have sexual encounters with someone of the opposite sex for reasons other than your own desire – because you are trying to fit in with society’s expectations, because you are lonely, because you don’t know how to say no, or because your “no” isn’t heeded. Your sexual orientation is more about who you truly are drawn to than about what your experience has been.

If you are a young person questioning your sexual orientation, you may find it useful to ask yourself who your mostly deeply felt attractions are for. Who do get crushes on most often? Who do you usually have romantic fantasies about? Who do you really wish you could spend the rest of your life – or just next weekend – with? The answers to these questions are often helpful in the beginning to sort out your feelings.